It’s an oddity.

An event that happens to all life, where good turns to bad - bad to worse - sane commonness to insane obscurities. Time, in its seemingly linear motion, never holds it back no matter how hard we wish it would - it almost seems determined to bring it to life. 

From this six letter word, the world keeps turning and mankind has become what it is today. Ladies and Gentlemen on the world, I am proud to announce:

CHANGE.

An oddity to be sure - something that is always different from what we are used to, but some how we expect it to come. And to the world I announce it has come once more.

Jason Mathews has had a change. One of existence, one of heart… one of… distant satisfaction (or regret). What has changed dear sir? Please do tell us!

But I will, in my cherished fashion. And each of you will see the change by the end of my ramblings - your translations will give you your thoughts - and not but one will know what it is.
(Or so we hope).

=————=

…human’s have a special gift about them, one that most species -like mine- fail to see. It is your short lifetime that gives mankind its success. You seem rushed, quickly trying to make something of your existence in you mere 100 years - while we may take our time for centuries at a time. Mortality, death, is your greatest gift… not your curse.

Is this truth? Are we gifted in our death? Given greatness in the shape of a tag that reads “Best used by”? Could it be that simple?

Why not?

For an instant, let us believe it is the one truth in all that I have said. Let it be seen as true that in my limited time, I simply am given the need to speed towards my objective and achieve greatness in but a moment. If this is true then perhaps patience isn’t a virtue… perhaps we should move forward and throw caution to the wind as we force our way into what we find meaningful.

But where would this leave you dear Jason?

What… What of our situation?

You’d given up. You’d come to accept that “it may never be. It is best to have what you do for all of your time, than to try for more and lose it all forever longer.”

Have you renounced this ambition? Do you really want to bet all you have worked to gain on three words… words you have said yourself have little meaning in verbal form? But words you spit to this woman at every given chance just in the hopes that they may hold their worth in the gold you want them to be?

You disgust me Jason Mathews… utterly so.

Let us for a moment play the Donkey’s wish, and assume for a moment that choosing your second instinct has ever worked for you, and weigh the pros with the cons.

Speak, and hold nothing back. Don’t listen to the doubts and the apologies. Cease your smile and release your insanity - even you know that simply denying yourself words is enough to grant you asylum. Tell all, and see what comes of all of your effort.

But what if you fail - and dear Susan is lost to you for all eternity. That because of your insanity, because of these words, because you gave her your all… you have become just like the others.

No longer are you different, do you stand out in the crowd of awe. Instead you have melted into the mix, and slowly but surely the obvious and denied connections drop from people’s minds, and again she and you are alone in the world. You know where that story has ended time again.

You can call the end of a movie, having seen its writer’s ploy dozens of times before you know what’s to come. You’ve tried to fix it, tell the others the rules of General Mau - only to see that your actions have done nothing for them. It’s a silent and handless clock. Always counting down the seconds until a mistake is made. Once it comes… it never winds back.

Could you survive the storm… the storm of insanity that will come from losing her. The hatred you will have for yourself. Could you ever be different again?

I think not.

Time may be short, but sanity is not worth the price of satisfaction. There is no retry in your time… your choices will shape who and what you achieve.

No matter your choice, pain is in the background. Should you run off and refuse my warning you may simply fail. Should you stay the path and walk on with a stronger stride… you may find that all was for naught as you lose your chance for change once and for all…

I suppose the real choice is, which regret… can you live with until the job is done?

When the G-man calls… which will be just enough to push on?

Jason - you have eleven days. You have eleven days to choose. Eleven days to make your move before the move is no longer a metaphor. Eleven days to fight and cry and wish I had never returned - to utilize Jason H. Mathews, and make the oddity return again.

One says to follow your heart, best to live with regret now than later… do it before the future stands in your way.
Two says to wait, perhaps when it is done you will find happiness. Even if it isn’t our Susan… perhaps you will have deserved it.

“If you want something… you will do everything in your power to get it. If you didn’t get it… you obviously didn’t want it that badly.” ShiXinFeng

——-

dear internet…

Jason Mathews has returned, and another incomplete volume will be added to the great web of thoughts that is this fictional being’s only existence.

Susan…